First Rule– Be part of the conversation. People change how they speak when they know you are listening.

Second Rule– if you participate, you earn the right to shape and re-frame. By being part of the conversation you can set the pace, tone, and direction. You earn that right by being present and your presence. This is not for the faint of heart, and this, no offense, is not for the ‘relations’ folks.

Third Rule– you cannot control the conversation. I have heard the following phrase too often- “we must control the message!” This usually translated to, “don’t brief anyone, don’t comment on a blog, don’t discuss anything in a forum, watch the conversations happen without you.” This viscerally disembowels rule 1, and thus should never be done, instead the only way to control the message is by being part of the conversation and being accurate, credible, and having a little bit of ‘flair’. You have to have a personality, one that comes across through your dialog and your witticisms.

Final Rule– Be Open.

(From Network World: read it all here. Context here and here.)